i relate all of my life situations to music in a very comforting way.  and the fact you don’t do this makes me feel uneasy, and a bit stupid. i can’t write anything on the internet anymore because i’m very self conscious about it, thinking about your reaction to it. i used to not care, but that’s changed. now i’m crippled with fear of judgement. delete my facebook every week and try start again fresh, be quiet for once.  i think about you all the time, sometimes i think i want to spend the next 10 years - infinity with you, other times i feel like i’d be much better off without you in my life. 
i need an output, because i’m boiling inside, but i can’t put anything down on to paper. struggling with it all, the constant distraction of the internet is killing me. everything just seems like *first world problems*, i know, but i mean, relatively speaking, this is my life right now.
new year, fresh start, maybe.